Mornings After Dark
by trippy37
Summary: Katniss and Peeta grow back together. How they healed each other, and the district they grew up in.


Katniss's eyes fly open, wild in the dark, and she knows she's been screaming because her throat hurts. She tries swallowing the terror that still clutches around her heart, but her breathing is too fast and her throat too painful. She sits up - her sheets are tangled around her bare legs, and Katniss frantically tries to free herself from them. Her cry of frustration is just past her lips, when she hears his loud gait on her stairs.

"Katniss?" he says just outside her bedroom door.

She gasps at the sound of his voice. Her door is never locked, but he's only come in before with Greasy Sae for breakfasts in the few weeks since he's been back. Her feet, still entangled in her sheets, fall to the cool floor.

Katniss's bedroom door is open, too, and she sees him there: this slim, pale version of Peeta that she's been having breakfast with most mornings. The scar on his face, long and winding through his brow, is fading and the eyebrow that grew back is darker, which gives his face a quizzical look, as if he's always asking '_real'_ or '_not real_.'

His eyes, however, are as blue as ever, even in the dim shade of her room.

"Katniss?" he says again. He slowly comes in and motions to sit beside her.

Words are impossible for her in this moment, but she nods her consent. Katniss feels the shift in the mattress as he sits beside her. Peeta's body is far away enough that she can't feel his body heat, but his hand is next to hers, and she can almost feel its warmth.

"Are you alright?" Peeta whispers, not quite looking at her. When he does, he scoffs lightly, "Dumb question. Of course you're not, or you wouldn't be crying."

"Am I?" Katniss speaks just as quietly and she brings her other hand to her face. He's right - her face is wet and tears still hang on her eyelashes.

Peeta swipes a tear off her cheek with his free hand and Katniss sucks in her breath. Other than once bumping shoulders in her kitchen, this is the first voluntary touch Peeta has offered her since he came back.

He feels her hesitation and drops his hand, "Sorry." Peeta mutters.

"Why did you come here?" Katniss asks, rubbing her face free of the tears and wiping her nose as well.

"I heard you screaming, Katniss." Peeta says, "I sometimes hear you cry at night - you know, I keep my window open - but tonight, I had to come see if you were okay."

Katniss is still trying to mop her face, "I'm sorry. Did I wake you?"

"Katniss, I don't really sleep anymore. Not at night anyway," Peeta says, and shrugs, "I guess I'm getting like Haymitch, without the white liquor."

"Or the disgusting smell," Katniss grins, feeling slightly better now that Peeta's here to talk to.

He laughs lightly, but sobers quickly, "Do you want to talk about it? I mean, it must have been a bad nightmare for the screaming to start again."

Katniss shakes her head. "No."

Peeta touches her for the second time, moving his hand to cover hers, "Please, Katniss. I know it helps. I remember it helps."

Katniss remembers too. On their victory tour, he would gently get her to talk about her nightmares - night terrors really - but things are different know and she doesn't want to burden him.

Peeta has already lived his nightmare.

She sighs shakily, but begins, "It was Rue, and…Prim. They were…I mean they both depended on me and…"

"They died," Peeta affirms.

"It kept changing. Prim gets the spear to her chest. Rue burns. It w-was me wh-o-o…" Katniss stutters, remembering.

"Who?" Peeta prods.

"It was me who threw the spear, who dropped the bombs. I k-killed them." Katniss starts crying again.

Peeta shifts closer and lays his arm around Katniss's shoulders. It should feel awkward, after so long an absence, but it doesn't. She even goes so far as to lean her head on his shoulder. Some of her tears slip from her face onto his white t-shirt. They form an intricate design on his shoulder.

"No Katniss," he says. "That is only the nightmare talking. Marvel killed Rue, and Coin dropped the bomb parachutes. You took care of both of them."

Took care of them means killed them, Katniss thinks, and while she can feel remorse for the circumstances with Marvel - he was just a piece in the games - Coin's death causes her no instance to pause or feel guilt. Katniss is certain she was ultimately more evil than Snow. More duplicitous at any rate.

Peeta says softly, "You blame yourself for Rue and Prim's death, real or not real?"

Katniss tries to mop her tears again, "Real."

He wipes a few more tears from her eyes, "I'm to blame for my parents and brothers' death, real or not real?" Peeta asks her once her tears are drying.

"Not real, Peeta. Not real." Katniss assures him. "It was Snow - the bombs were dropped on his order."

"But, Katniss, if I had made them, really convinced them to move into my house in the Victor's Village, they'd still be alive." Peeta says. "Even I'm sure that's real."

Katniss wraps one of her free arms around his waist, without thinking if it would comfort him or not. "Peeta…" she starts, but he interrupts.

"No." Peeta shakes his head, "I should have tried harder - maybe just my brothers -but my mother refused and…that had a cascading effect."

She shakes her head against his shoulder, "It's not your fault, Peeta. That's real."

Peeta nudges her head so that she'll look at him, "Then it's not really your fault either, with Rue and Prim." He tucks the messy hair that has escaped her braid behind her ears, "That's real, too."

Katniss sighs, not quite admitting he's right, but feeling a bit better. The nightmare dissipates with their arms entwined, just sitting on her bed.

But they can't sit like this all night, no matter how much she'd like to. "It's late, or early. You should try at least to rest a little." Katniss tells him.

"I won't sleep tonight anyway," he says. "If you can try to sleep, I can…I mean…do you want me stay on the couch if you need me to wake you up?" Peeta's eyes are pleading. Katniss wonders if maybe he needs someone in the house as much as she does.

"I'd like that," she replies, twisting her braid nervously. What she'd really like is him in her bed, his arms wrapped around her so she'll feel safe. But that can't happen.

Not yet, anyway.

Peeta tucks another strand of hair behind her ear, "Okay, then." He stands, bends and helps Katniss untangle the sheets from her legs. As she lays down, he tucks the sheet in. She feels cocooned and safe.

"Thank you," Katniss says, but what she means is she is grateful he is here, talking and calming her. She knows it's still not easy for him, so she is very appreciative of him right now. If only she knew how to say all this to Peeta. Instead, she yawns.

He stands in her doorway, pointing to the stairs, "I'll be right down here if you need me." And with that, Peeta leaves her room.

Katniss can tell he's trying to be quiet, but she can still hear his heavy steps down the stairs and even in her living room, though it's carpeted.

She smiles and yawns again as she listens to him settling in. Maybe she will get a little more sleep before dawn.

Katniss wakes with a start and sits up in her bed, disoriented. Her sheets are twisted again around her legs, but she doesn't feel quite as desperate as she did in the night. If she had another nightmare, it didn't wake her.

What did wake her was the wonderful smell of baking bread wafting in her room. Occasionally, she can smell Peeta's early morning baking ritual next door when she leaves her window open. This morning, however, Katniss is certain that those smells are coming from her own kitchen.

She finds her robe in the bathroom and decides to brush her teeth after she wraps it around herself. Katniss gets halfway down the stairs when the heat of her oven warms her bare toes. The yeasty fresh scent of bread is intense when she enters the kitchen.

Peeta is still in his t-shirt and sweats that he came over in last night except with a towel thrown over his shoulder, but he must have gone home for the ingredients, as all Katniss had in her kitchen were her kills from yesterday: two squirrels and a hare that were wrapped in her 'fridge.

He looks up from the dough he's rolling on her counter, "Hey."

Katniss can't help but grin at him. On the other side of her counter is covered breads and rolls and she thinks even muffins. "Have you been baking all night?" she asks.

Peeta grins back, "Almost." He shrugs and a light blush is creeping up his neck, "I think I fell asleep for a bit just before dawn. I didn't hear…I mean, I hope you got a little more sleep, too?"

She nods and sits down at her table, across from him so she can watch him work. Peeta wipes his hands on the towel. "Greasy Sae stopped by early, but I sent her home, if that's okay." Peeta brings some cheese buns and muffins and places them in front of her, "I told her I'd bring her some bread and rolls later too, you know, to thank her."

He has tea warming on the stove, and he pours her a cup as well as one for him. Peeta sits across from her and takes a muffin from her plate. "Sae told me too that the Oberon's, who live beside her could use some bread too. So I guess," he gestures behind him, "I got a bit carried away." Peeta picks at his muffin and drinks his tea.

Katniss has no such compunction about her appetite, and while he's been talking about baking for the small community that's slowly building back in Twelve, Katniss has eaten two cheese buns and is almost done her muffin while her tea cools. Peeta looks at her for a response, but all she can do is mumble and nod in the affirmative around a hunk of muffin. She hopes the "Hruum" that comes out of her mouth along with some crumbs conveys how proud she is of him and his ability to share what he does to keep the district community growing.

Peeta laughs a little at her, looks down, and blows on his tea before sipping it. "If you're okay then, and I'm guessing you are considering how fast those buns are going," he winks at her as the last of her muffin disappears, "I'm going to start delivering these baked goods before they cool too much." He stands and wipes his hands again, before he turns off her oven and dips in for a sheet full of sticky buns.

Katniss has finally taken a drink of her tea and can answer coherently, "I'm good this morning." She even manages a smile for him, "Thank you. I mean for staying and," she rubs her belly, "for breakfast."

He slides off half a dozen sticky buns onto a plate and covers them with the towel. "I'll leave these with you, you know, in case you get hungry later," Peeta says as he starts to pack up the rest of his morning baking to deliver. "Will you hunt today?"

Peeta knows her routine as well as she knows his, "I think I'll go and find some roots and herbs and make squirrel stew for dinner tonight." Katniss bites her bottom lip as it turns up in a small grin, "I mean, I will make it, if you'll come to dinner."

"I'd like that, thank you." Peeta says and she can see his blush start on his neck, as it always has around her. Katniss feels almost light-headed at its return.

After he leaves, with his canvas bag filled with bread, Katniss climbs her steps to her room a little lighter than she had the previous evening. Peeta had that effect on her, as he always has.


End file.
